A Step Over the Edge of the World
by thumos
Summary: Nyarlathotep won't leave the new world alone - Philemon knows that. So he combats his rival in the best way he can - by hiding in the mind of someone absolutely convinced that the influence of the Crawling Chaos is his own fault. AU.


_The lack of Persona 2 fanfiction on this site is depressing. This angsty little AU has a not so subtle tribute to my favorite scene in EP. Just try and find it._

* * *

Humans are foolish creatures, Philemon concludes as he watches the five children (because they really are children, even the older woman Maya, no matter how they try to act otherwise) disappear into the light, but they do have the potential to become something truly amazing. Jun Kurosu is the first to disappear, and Philemon knows that his life will be affected the most in the new world. Sweet, sensitive Jun, who tries so hard to make amends for all that he did under Nyarlathotep's influence. Yes, Philemon thinks, he will definitely have a better life in the new world. The next to disappear is Eikichi Mishina, one whose life will barely be affected at all in the new world. His home situation will remain the same, and his motivations will be the same, after all. Next comes poor Maya Amano, dead in this world, who will, no doubt, survive in the next, only without a crippling fear of fire. Next comes Lisa Silverman, whose life will certainly be impacted without the presence of the other four. Perhaps this child will fulfill that rumor of becoming an idol in the new world.

And then, finally, Philemon is left with Tatsuya Suou, and he can't ignore the look of utter sorrow and despair on the silent, stoic boy's face. But there is something else as well – something heavy and oppressive that he can only recognize because of eons of dealing with his rival Nyarlathotep, and Philemon realizes with a sinking feeling that not even the new world is safe. The boy is going to disappear soon, and Nyarlathotep will no doubt turn his attention to the new world, and, in that moment, Philemon makes a decision.

He splits his consciousness in half, one part to remain in his own form, and the other part, in the form of the boy's memories from this world, to remain within the boy in the new world. So that when the Crawling Chaos makes his move, Tatsuya Suou – and Philemon – will be ready.

For years, Philemon sits quietly within the boy's mind and waits.

* * *

He should have watched where he was going. He should have paid more attention to his surroundings. Tatsuya repeats this mantra in his head like a broken record as he stares blankly at the woman before him – the beautiful, kind, amazing Maya Amano – surrounded by people he loves and cares for more than anything else, but had never actually interacted with. The memories come back in a rush, flashing through his mind in disjointed pictures and scenes, and that moment seems to slow to a standstill. His grip loosens on the small bunny figure (Mr. Bunbun, he corrects himself), but he doesn't let it drop to the ground.

He can't breathe. He feels like crying. He wants to be anywhere but there, with a Maya that doesn't recognize him, with his best friends who have no idea of the special times they once shared. So Tatsuya does what he does best – he runs away. He avoids them all like the plague, muttering an apology before practically sprinting away. It's stupid and downright cowardly, but he can't bring himself to care.

That night, Nyarlathotep shows up in the form of his own reflection. Katsuya's not home yet – lots of paperwork that needs filing at the precinct, apparently – and, for the first time in a long time (or perhaps not so long), Tatsuya feels real, genuine fear. "This is your fault, you know," Nyarlathotep taunts in a smooth, velvety voice that should not belong to someone with the title of Crawling Chaos. "You're the reason I'm here now. You _remembered_, even though you said you'd forget. You broke your promise."

"No…" Tatsuya says, and he can't help how small and broken his voice sounds, because that's exactly how he feels. "That… That can't be…"

All he can hear is Nyarlathotep's dark chuckle as his reflection in the bathroom mirror returns to normal. That night, before his brother returns home, Tatsuya runs away.

* * *

The more time he spends within Tatsuya Suou, the more Philemon loses his faith in humanity. He can't tell whether the boy notices or not, but he is being completely, utterly _stupid_, by distancing himself from the people who care about him. To take in Nyarlathotep's words as if they're the only things that matter, to try and atone for a sin he didn't even commit (because if the new world was going to end if everyone remembered what happened in the old one, it should have ended already)… all Philemon feels is pity and disappointment.

He wants now, more than anything, as he watches the boy collapse to his knees in the Araya Shrine and finally break down, to comfort him, to tell him that all is not lost and that he is the reason that the new world even has a chance of survival. But he doesn't. If he does, Nyarlathotep will no doubt find out, and the new world will meet a much quicker end than the old one did.

Though he hates it – and, by extension, himself – Philemon remains silent.

* * *

As Tatsuya sits with his back against what he believed was the altar in front of the Araya Shrine, watching his brother clean the deep gash in his hand where he'd grabbed the sword Jun (no, he reminds himself, _not_ Jun, just a metal apparition conjured by his immense guilt) tried to plunge into his stomach, he can't help but hate himself. He _told_ them to be careful, but for what? Only to fall for the same trick himself? His eyes burn with unshed tears, but he wills himself not to cry – it isn't over yet, and he's not alone (but how can he possibly live with himself after he committed such a horrible sin?).

"I thought I told you to hold a knife by its handle," Katsuya says, his voice deceptively calm. If Katsuya weren't here, Tatsuya realizes, he'd probably be dead.

As Katsuya starts bandaging the cut, Tatsuya hangs his head and swallows against the painful lump in his throat (no, he can't cry, he _can't_ break down now). "I'm sorry," he says in a whisper, because it's all he can manage without bursting into tears right then and there (for causing everyone trouble, for putting everyone in this situation to begin with).

"Don't say anything," Katsuya retorts immediately, refusing to meet Tatsuya's eyes. "My brother doesn't lower his head for little things like this." His brother's voice is heavy, and it cracks slightly at the end. Katsuya's on the verge of tears too, and Tatusya feels more guilty than ever.

"No…" he tells his brother. "The me of 'this side'… also feels the same way."

Katsuya stands up and pushes his glasses up before turning away. "I see…"

Tatsuya blinks back the tears rapidly forming in his eyes (his friends were so close and they _remembered_), and it's Ulala who cuts through the tension.

"How can you two be brothers?" Ulala asks sarcastically and, for a brief minute, Tatsuya feels a heavy weight being lifted ever so slightly from his chest.

* * *

It isn't until after Nyarlathotep is defeated that the two halves of Philemon – one ethereal part remaining in this otherworldly realm, the other in Tatsuya Suou – returns. "Crawling Chaos, accept your defeat," he says in a strong, commanding voice.

"Philemon!" Nyarlathotep roars, his expression feral.

"They represent the potential of mankind," Philemon says again. "You, the dark side of the collective unconsciousness, are linked to all humans. _That_ is why they moved the hearts of the people."

"All potential is born from chaos," Katsuya Suou muses, and Philemon is proud. "I see… That's right."

And, in that moment, Philemon reveals everything, and the look of utter shock and disbelief on Tatsuya Suou's face is almost priceless. The boy's face morphs into rage as he clenches his fists by his side. "You _used_ me. _Again_."

"Oh, come off it, Little Suou!" Ulala Serizawa shouts cheerfully, slinging one arm around him. "Look at it this way – you saved the world! You get to stay here!"

"But what happened to…" Maya pipes up, placing her hand over her mouth.

"That world is gone," Philemon explains. "It disappeared when this new world was created." He looks Tatsuya Suou in the eye, careful to keep his face expressionless. "I want you to understand something very important. You are not to blame for Nyarlathotep's influence in this world. You were innocent. You _are_ innocent."

"Are you saying he will still remember everything that transpired on the Other Side?" Katsuya Suou asks, frowning slightly as he pushes his glasses up his nose.

"Only if that is what he desires," Philemon answers easily. "What say you?"

Unsurprisingly, Tatsuya nods once. "I'll remember."

A small smile graces Philemon's face. "Then so be it."

* * *

"Okay, now it's time to—WHY THE FUCK IS THERE A HOLE IN THIS CAKE?"

"What are you asking me for, you crazy bitch? I didn't put it there!"

"Maybe Katsuya won't notice…"

"Have you _met_ my brother? Of _course_ he's going to notice."

"HOW THE HELL DID THAT HOLE EVEN GET THERE?"

"Think positive, think positive…"

"Oh, happy birthday, Suou, here's a burned cake we all baked with a _giant fucking hole in it_."

"You mean it's burned too? Oh, this is just _fantastic_!"

The sound of a lock being inserted into a keyhole echoes through the apartment. "Shut _up_, you guys!" Tatsuya hisses. "He's coming!"

Tatsuya, Maya, Ulala, and Baofu hide in their respective corners, watching Katsuya as he wrinkles his nose in something akin to disgust when he walks into the kitchen. He frowns slightly at the burned cake sitting on the table – the cake with the giant hole in the center. Maya jumps out of hiding with a wide, yet strained grin on her face. "Surprise!" she yells. "Happy birthday, Katsuya!"

Katsuya's eyes widen slightly as Ulala, Baofu, and Tatsuya slowly and hesitantly come out of hiding. "Surprise," Baofu deadpans.

"You all made me a Bundt cake…" Katsuya says quietly, his voice cracking a little.

"A what now?" Ulala asks, only to be elbowed in the ribs by Baofu. "Ouch!"

"How did you know I love Bundt cakes?" Katsuya asks, scrutinizing the cake from multiple angles.

"Um…" Maya says slowly. "Tatsuya told us! Isn't that right, Tatsuya?"

"Huh?" Tatsuya flinches when Maya puts him on the spot, but he quickly schools his expression into a stoic mask and nods slowly. "Yes. I did."

Katsuya smirks as he casually dumps the cake in the trashcan; the way Maya and Ulala's jaws drop open is almost comical. "I appreciate the sentiment," he says simply as he readies ingredients for another cake, "but leave the cooking to me next time."

"Well this is just amazing," Baofu mutters. "It's his birthday and he's' the one baking the cake."

"Well, didn't he always want to be a pastry chef anyway?" Ulala asks.

"Patissier," Katsuya corrects automatically.

"Same thing!" Ulala shouts back.

Amidst the pleasant chaos, Tatsuya leans back in his chair and allows a content smile to grace his features. This, he realizes, is the world he fought for – a world where everyone can be happy, a world where no one has to worry about its end.

_Finis._


End file.
